Parks and Recreation

"Every day is treat yo'self day if you believe hard enough."

"Don't wait for someone else to treat you well. Do it yourself."

"Spa day, shopping, fine dining – that's what life is about."

"You deserve nice things. Buy them for yourself."

"Life is short. Eat the waffle."

"Treat yo'self. It's the best day of the year."

"Money doesn't grow on trees, but apparently it grows in my accounts."

"I believe in living life to the fullest, as long as someone else pays."

"Every scar tells a story, most of mine are just embarrassing."

"I've been in more relationships than I've had jobs, which is zero."

"Friendship ends when the check arrives."

"Success is when people recognize your face at clubs."

"Happiness is a state of mind, usually mine."

"Wisdom comes from experience, which I avoid at all costs."

"Time is money, and I'm always spending both."

"Knowledge is power, but money is money."

"My life is an open book, but I lost the bookmark."

"Faith is for people without a plan B."

"Science is what nerds do instead of partying."

"I'm beautiful, but not as beautiful as my money."

"Humor is my defense mechanism against reality."

"I don't dream. I just wake up rich."

"Leadership is making people do things while you relax."

"I'm basically a jazz musician, which means I improvise constantly."

"Freedom is being rich enough to avoid consequences."

"Truth is what I decide it is."

"Death is the one thing my money can't buy off."

"Family is people you're stuck with and can't divorce."

"Courage is doing something stupid and surviving."

"Hope is what dying people feel."