Parks and Recreation

"Dear frozen yogurt, you are the celery of desserts. Signed, Ron Swanson."

"If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice."

"I've been known to consume as many as four whiskeys in a sitting."

"The woodworking community is tight-knit. We see each other at lumberyards."

"History doesn't repeat itself, but it often rhymes. And when it does, I profit."

"I am not interested in caring about people."

"Hunting and fishing replace a man's need for a psychiatrist."

"I think that all government employees should be prepared to be fired at any moment."

"Capitalism: God's way of determining who is smart and who is poor."

"Any dog under fifty pounds is a cat, and cats are useless."

"When I eat, it is the food that is scared."

"I love my country, but I think we should start over."

"Crying: it's rarely a good enough reason to cancel woodworking."

"Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing."

"I'm a simple man with simple tastes. I like lumber, darkness, and silence."

"The less I know about other people's affairs, the better I sleep at night."

"A person who buys pre-shredded cheese is not a person."

"Breakfast food is the best food, and I will fight anyone who says otherwise."

"I have no use for government or charity. I have only myself."

"The future is ours to create."

"Believe in yourself first."

"What would you do if you weren't afraid?"

"I've got a good feeling about this."

"This is just the beginning."

"I'm going to change the world."

"Tomorrow starts tonight."

"I love what I do."

"Life is too short for regrets."

"I don't back down from challenges."

"Everything is political."