Parks and Recreation

"Imagination is a waste of time."

"Adventure is for people who like leaving their house."

"I'm not interested in war or peace, just not dealing with anyone."

"Science is boring and unnecessary."

"Art is whatever makes me look cool."

"Music is just organized noise that happens to be pleasant."

"I don't believe in technology, yet here I am using it."

"Philosophy is for people who think too much."

"History is just a series of mistakes."

"Your friendship means nothing to me, but I guess it's fine."

"I'm prepared to say nothing about this situation."

"Change is for people who hate themselves."

"I would rather die than participate in this."

"The only thing I believe in is nothingness."

"I invented Post-it notes because I needed them."

"Books are just movies for people who can't watch movies."

"I'm going to leave a legacy that inspires future generations."

"Health is for people who aren't me."

"Money is something I don't have to worry about because I don't care about it."

"I don't understand why we're celebrating mediocrity."

"I have no opinions and I have no taste."

"Dreams are stupid and I'm too smart for them."

"You're either in or you're out, and right now you're somewhere in the middle being useless."

"I'm going to become immortal, so time is no issue for me."

"Ann, you're a beautiful, talented, brilliant, powerful musk ox."

"I don't care about your stupid government job."

"If I had to describe myself, I'd say I'm a triple threat: beautiful, smart, and funny."

"I just want to stay indoors and avoid human contact."

"My life is the worst, but at least I have good eyebrows."

"Ugh, I hate so many things about this place."