Parks and Recreation

"The only good government is one that does nothing."

"I'm not interested in making people happy. I'm interested in making them realize they're wrong."

"History is the best teacher. That's why I've read every history book."

"I will fight for what I believe in, even if I'm the only one fighting."

"Gratitude is a sign of weakness. Hard work is a sign of strength."

"I believe that every person should be paid according to their output."

"I would rather work in a woodshop than be in government. But I'm stuck here."

"April is smarter than all of you. I'm proud of that."

"I know how to make decisions. You just pick the one that upsets the most people."

"My ideal woman is a professional hunter and a seamstress."

"I have never backed down from a fight. I also have never been in a fight."

"Beauty is overrated. Functionality is what matters."

"I'm going to start a private police force to protect my property."

"I've never been in love with a woman who understood me."

"Faith is important, but not as important as logic."

"I'm moving to a house in the woods with a small porch. I will die happy."

"Government workers should make minimum wage, work 20 hours a week, and be fired if they show up on Fridays."

"I would trade anything for a perfectly aged scotch and a beautiful woman."

"I have a second job. I'm a bootlegger."

"Ron Swanson's greatest fear is having no one to argue with."

"April is smart and pretty and fun. I'm lucky to have her."

"Women should be treated with respect and honesty, even though I don't understand them."

"I believe in the Constitution. It's a perfect document."

"I would never join a club that would have me as a member."

"Parks are a government conspiracy to get people outside."

"I don't understand modern music. It's all screaming."

"My dog is the best thing in my life. He's a good boy."

"I've been divorced twice. It was completely my fault."

"I will go to my grave knowing I was right about many things."

"If you want something, work for it. There are no shortcuts."