Parks and Recreation

"I respect the written word above all things."

"I have nothing against the Internet. I simply don't understand it."

"Outdoor activities, like hunting and fishing, are essential to a meaningful life."

"I have a print shop and a woodshop. I'm very productive."

"Don't let anyone tell you what to do. Trust your instincts."

"I believe in mortality. It keeps you focused on what matters."

"A wood planer is a very useful tool. I have three."

"I will not be lectured by some man with a man bun."

"Any government is a necessary evil."

"I'm not a fan of the 1980s. Too much jewelry."

"I have a strong admiration for Teddy Roosevelt."

"Sex metaphors are not my style. Let's just say I make furniture, and I'm very good at it."

"Give me all the bacon and eggs you have."

"One last thing: I'm very tired."

"I want to make things. Real things. Solid things."

"I've been a civil servant for twenty years. I believe government should be run like a business."

"The right to swear is something I hold very dear."

"I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet, sweet gasoline."

"Money is the best thing in the world."

"I respect anyone who works hard. Cowards and lazy people disgust me."

"Skim milk masquerades as a food. It is not. If I'm going to take in nutrients, they should be palatable."

"I can hear you, but I'm not listening."

"Hunting and killing are not just sport. They're necessary skills."

"I have seventeen bookshelves of philosophy and history. I have read them all."

"I'm the boss. I know better than everyone else."

"The only way to get what you want in this world is through hard work and determination."

"When I eat, I do not think about anything else. Food is what I'm doing."

"Women are beautiful, complex creatures. I do not understand them."

"I'm like a fireman. When I go to work, people are happy to see me."

"Ignore the sensible advice of those around you and do what feels right."