Parks and Recreation

"Motivation is what gets you started. Spite is what keeps you going."

"Leadership is getting others to do what you want while thinking it's their idea."

"Hope springs eternal, unlike my hope of retiring before forty."

"Change is the only constant, except for my excellent taste."

"The best things in life are free. Everything else, I'll put on my company card."

"Knowledge is power. But looking like you have power is more important."

"Education is learning new things. I prefer learning about myself."

"Freedom is the ability to be yourself. I'm so free it's illegal."

"The truth will set you free, but a good lie gets you to Cabo."

"Time is money, and I'm very wealthy."

"Family is important because they have to like you no matter what."

"Success tastes like aged scotch and smells like new money."

"Courage is not the absence of fear. It's looking good despite being terrified."

"The secret to life is treating every day like a photo shoot."

"Work hard, play harder, and always have a suit ready."

"Happiness is not a destination, it's a journey. A very expensive journey."

"Wisdom is knowing that you don't know anything. I know everything."

"Love is a beautiful thing. Money is more beautiful."

"Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge won't let you believe you're rich."

"Death is life's way of saying 'game over.' I'm still playing."

"Politics is about power, influence, and looking electable. I'm three for three."

"Literature teaches us about the human condition. My LinkedIn teaches me about success."

"Nature is beautiful, but nature doesn't have climate control."

"Peace is the absence of conflict. Or it could be the absence of people who disagree with me."

"Inspiration comes from within, especially after a good nap."

"War is bad. Also, my hair looks great in camouflage."

"Solitude is nice, but lonely. I prefer solitude with an audience."

"The greatest gift is knowing someone who cares about you. And that person is me."

"Gratitude is being thankful for what you have, like my exceptional jawline."

"Perseverance is never giving up on your dreams, or your skincare routine."