Parks and Recreation

"If you want something, go out and get it. Unless what you want is sleep."

"Being alive is great. I highly recommend it."

"I appreciate the opportunity, but I'm going to turn this down."

"The key to success is surrounding yourself with people who will tell you what you want to hear."

"Love is finding someone who gets your references."

"Dreams are just dreams. Unless you make them real with hard work and dedication."

"I once worked at the parks department, and I was so good at pretending to work."

"Life is a series of milestones and achievements. And I've achieved them all."

"Friendship isn't just about who you've known the longest. It's about who walked into your life and said 'I'm staying'."

"I'm going to punch you in the face with my fist."

"Never ever, for any reason, do anything, to anyone, at any time."

"Money is the best. I love money."

"I have no idea what I'm doing, but I'm doing it with confidence."

"Success isn't about working hard. It's about working hard and looking good doing it."

"I am running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good."

"Treat yo' self. Every year, every single day, you treat yourself to something special."

"I'm not interested in caring about things. I'd rather die."

"I believe the purpose of life is to enjoy it. Mostly through food."

"Strength comes from within. And from carbs."

"Kindness costs nothing. Lunch costs money, but it's worth it."

"Patience is a virtue. I'm working on developing it. Unsuccessfully."

"Beauty is everywhere, but it's prettier on a plate."

"Gratitude is appreciating what you have. Mostly what you eat."

"Perseverance is sticking with something. I persist in trying new restaurants."

"Solitude is peace. With snacks."

"Relationships require effort. Eating requires only appetite."

"Inspiration is one in a million. Lunch is every single day."

"Motivation is overrated. Hunger is more reliable."

"War is terrible. But at least there's no food shortage in my house."

"Politics are annoying. Almost as annoying as vegetables."