Parks and Recreation

"Success is relative. Relative to how much food is involved."

"I think the meaning of life is to eat well and die happy."

"Creativity is finding new ways to mess things up."

"Politics makes my head hurt. Food makes it feel better."

"Literature is when words are arranged on pages. I prefer when they're on menus."

"I've never been motivated by anything except hunger."

"Inspiration usually comes from a nice meal and a nap."

"The best part of war is that it's not happening to me."

"I think history is just yesterday, but it happened longer ago."

"Relationships are hard. Mostly because they involve other people."

"I would rather be alone than with people I don't like. So basically, I'm always alone."

"I have faith in three things: breakfast, lunch, and dinner."

"Music is good background noise while you're eating."

"Science is interesting if it's about food. Otherwise, I don't care."

"I don't understand art, but I know I don't like it."

"Nature is nice to look at from indoors."

"I'm not really a 'peace' guy. I'm more of a 'leave me alone' guy."

"Dreams are good. Sleep is better."

"I believe in family. Especially if they're bringing food."

"The scariest thing in the world is change. Well, and spiders."

"I don't really think about justice much. I think about lunch mostly."

"Adventure is going somewhere new. But I prefer staying home."

"I think strength comes from within. Or from a good night's sleep."

"Kindness is nice, but a sandwich is nicer."

"Patience is a virtue I don't have and don't want to have."

"I'm not the smartest person in the room, but I'm definitely the most confused."

"Technology is great until it stops working. Then it's terrible."

"I think imagination is overrated. Reality is fine if you're not paying attention to it."

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And also in a perfectly grilled steak."

"I don't really understand leadership, but I'm pretty sure it involves a lot of talking."