Parks and Recreation

"You know what? I'm fine. I don't care."

"I'm the human equivalent of ambivalence."

"My life is meaningless chaos."

"I can't believe you made me care about something."

"This is why I don't go outside."

"I'm going to die angry."

"You're stupid and I hate you."

"I have emotions now."

"The worst thing about you is that you're a good person."

"Stop talking to me about things."

"I'm going to live in solitude for the rest of my life."

"You just had sex with the worst person in the world."

"I'm not going to do it, and no amount of talking will make me."

"Why would you ruin my life like that?"

"I live in a constant state of anger."

"Dead inside but make it fashion."

"You are literally the only good thing in my life."

"I don't know why I'm like this, I just am."

"I'm being crushed by people's happiness."

"This is my happy face."

"You're the only person I can stand."

"I'm allergic to fun."

"I have not read a book in years."

"This job is making me want to throw myself into the pit."

"I'm a human woman, not a mood ring."

"Do you want to have a baby? No. Would you be okay if we had one? No."

"I'm very spiritual, but I don't like organized religion."

"If there is no God, who does April pray to at night?"

"Thank you for not being dead."

"I'm going to become a ghost and haunt you."