South Park

"Patience is for people who aren't confident enough to rush."

"Justice is whatever outcome I prefer."

"Creativity should always have a commercial application."

"Gratitude is a waste of emotional energy."

"Perseverance is admirable only if you're persevering toward wealth."

"Death is something that happens to other people."

"Beauty fades, but money lasts forever."

"Humor is just another tool for manipulation."

"Love is a weakness that successful people can't afford."

"Friendship is a transaction like any other."

"Family is important, but business comes first."

"Dreams are for people without ambition. I have plans."

"I don't listen to music unless it makes me sound cool."

"Science confirms what I already believe, which is that I'm right."

"Art should serve a purpose, preferably making me rich."

"Nature is just something to exploit for profit."

"Peace is boring. Conflict is where real progress happens."

"The truth is whatever I say it is."

"Time is money, and I'm not wasting either."

"Fear is for losers, and I'm not a loser."

"I've always been ahead of my time intellectually."

"The weak deserve what they get. Only the strong survive."

"Change is good when it benefits me personally."

"Education is important, but money is more important."

"I believe in the power of positive thinking... for myself."

"If you're not winning, you're losing. There's no in between."

"History will remember me as the greatest man who ever lived."

"Leadership means making tough decisions that benefit yourself first."

"Money is the root of all happiness, and I intend to have a lot of it."

"The problem with you people is that you don't understand business."