SpongeBob SquarePants

"Love is grand, but a full cash register is grander."

"Remember: every moment you're not making money, someone else is."

"The only thing better than money is more money."

"I'd sell me own soul for a nickel... maybe a dime."

"True friendship is built on mutual benefit and financial gain."

"SpongeBob is like the son I never had... a very useful son."

"Loyalty to family comes second only to loyalty to profit margins."

"A penny saved is a penny that could've been spent, but it's still a penny."

"Hard work and dedication will make you rich beyond your wildest dreams."

"Me secret to success? Squeeze every penny out of everything."

"The customer is always right, even when they're wrong about how much they should pay."

"Ar ar ar ar ar! That's the sound of profit!"

"I love money more than I love me own mother!"

"Money is the root of all happiness, boy!"

"Patrick and SpongeBob are the dynamic duo of destruction."

"I'm too good to be this miserable."

"The only thing worse than my job is my neighbors."

"I need to escape before I completely lose my mind."

"My failures are due to everyone else's incompetence."

"If this is life, I want no part of it."

"SpongeBob has no concept of personal space."

"I'm too sophisticated for this world."

"Happiness is for simpletons."

"I would rather die than admit SpongeBob did something right."

"This job is slowly killing me."

"My art will outlive all of you."

"Why must I share a world with such buffoons?"

"I'm the only cultured being in this entire town."

"SpongeBob's cheerfulness makes me nauseous."

"My potential is completely wasted."