The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

"Art is subjective, which is why I consider kidnapping an art form."

"Nature is beautiful until it gets in the way of what you want."

"Peace is boring. Chaos is where the real fun happens."

"Freedom is just another word for no one watching you."

"The truth will set you free, which is why I prefer lies."

"Time is a river, and I've learned to swim against the current."

"Knowledge is power, but secrecy is true power."

"Education is wasted on the educated. They can't be manipulated."

"Change happens whether you're ready or not. I chose to be ready."

"Courage is just another word for not getting caught."

"Hope is for people without a solid escape plan."

"Family is what you make it, and I made mine in a bunker."

"Friendship is a trap set by society to keep you from your true potential."

"Success means nothing if you're not using it to control others."

"Love is just a chemical reaction designed to keep us reproducing. Terrifying, really."

"The key to happiness is accepting that you'll never be happy."

"I'm not a human, I'm a shape-shifter who feeds on the life force of young women."

"Solitude beats people, but only when the solitude has a view."

"My best relationships end on the terms I dictate."

"Inspiration struck me the day I was born into wealth."

"The only thing motivating me is the desire to have more than I already have."

"Politics is for people who didn't inherit enough money to stay neutral."

"I only read books that have been made into movies, and preferably stars."

"Philosophy without champagne is just sad."

"History is important, which is why I'm making mine count."

"Technology should enhance beauty and increase wealth—otherwise, why bother?"

"Imagination is wasted on those without the funds to execute their fantasies."

"Adventure is traveling somewhere and returning to exactly where you left your life."

"Health is the best investment because it makes you look fabulous."

"Money solves all problems, or at least all mine."