30 Rock

"Hope is for people without a viable backup plan."

"Life is a zero-sum game. If you're not winning, you're losing."

"Wisdom is accumulated knowledge filtered through ruthless pragmatism."

"Happiness is a state of mind achieved through fiscal stability."

"I don't have friends. I have associates and competitors."

"The secret to success is looking like you know what you're doing even when you don't."

"Solitude is what you experience in your private jet alone."

"Relationships are investments. Know your ROI."

"Inspiration comes from the sound of a cash register."

"The only real motivation is self-interest and profit margins."

"War is simply diplomacy by other means. Both are acceptable."

"Politics is the ultimate game. The rules are made by winners."

"Literature is important only if it teaches you about business."

"Philosophy is what people study when they can't get into business school."

"History is written by those with the best publicists."

"Technology is just another word for advantage."

"Imagination is for children and unemployed actors."

"Adventure is fine if it's profitable."

"Health insurance is the root of all happiness."

"Money can't buy happiness, but it can rent it for hours at a time."

"Power is the only thing that matters in this world. Everything else is negotiable."

"Fear is just opportunity wearing a mask."

"True strength is knowing when to fire someone without looking them in the eye."

"Kindness is usually just manipulation with better intentions."

"Patience is a virtue I've never had time for."

"Justice is what happens when the powerful win."

"Creativity is chaos. I prefer order and profit."

"I'm grateful for my success, and grateful that I deserve it."

"Perseverance is just stubbornness with good PR."

"Death is nature's way of telling you to have been more successful."