Archer

"The pursuit of happiness is exhausting and ultimately pointless."

"My solitude is my sanctuary from human incompetence."

"Love is just lust with a better legal department."

"The only consistency in life is disappointment."

"Success is great until you realize what you had to sacrifice for it."

"I've learned that people are the worst thing about life."

"Happiness is a myth invented by pharmaceutical companies."

"The real tragedy is that we're all destined to disappoint each other."

"Relationships are just two people making each other miserable together."

"Inspiration only strikes those with nothing better to do."

"Motivation is something other people have that annoys me."

"War is peace, and peace is just war with better public relations."

"Politics is war by other means, and it's just as pointless."

"Literature is therapy for people too proud to see an actual therapist."

"Philosophy is the art of sounding intelligent while saying nothing."

"History is just a record of people making the same mistakes over and over."

"Technology is progress until it malfunctions."

"Imagination is what makes people believe their own lies."

"Adventure is just a euphemism for going places you'll regret."

"Health is just a slower way to die."

"Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy solitude, which is better."

"Power corrupts, and absolute power is absolutely necessary."

"Fear is the only honest emotion."

"Strength is the ability to endure things you'd rather not."

"Kindness is just manipulation with a smile."

"Patience is a virtue I have neither the time nor inclination to develop."

"Justice is what those in power call their revenge."

"Creativity is wasted on people who don't have enough sense to stop."

"Gratitude is what you feel when someone bothers to notice you."

"Perseverance is just stubbornness with better branding."