Archer

"My imagination quit along with my hope."

"Adventure is what happens when plans fail."

"My health deteriorates with every meeting."

"Money is why we pretend to like each other."

"Power is just permission to disappoint people."

"I'm strong enough to resent all of you."

"Kindness is a weakness in this environment."

"Patience wore out around year two."

"Justice means everyone gets what they deserve."

"Creative solutions to stupid problems is my specialty."

"I'm grateful my liver still works."

"Persistence is just refusing to accept failure."

"You can't cheat death, just your taxes."

"Beauty is wasted on shallow people."

"Humor is my coping mechanism for incompetence."

"My dream was to be literally anywhere else."

"A real leader doesn't hide in their office."

"I have faith that things will get worse."

"Music and alcohol are the same thing to me."

"Science can't explain how I tolerate you all."

"This job is a work of art in dysfunction."

"Natural selection would remove all of you by now."

"Peace is impossible in an open office."

"Freedom is a myth sold to keep you working."

"The truth is I could do this job with my eyes closed."

"Time moves slower when you're miserable."

"Family is an accident of birth you can't escape."

"Friends stab you in the back, coworkers at least face you."

"Success tastes like leaving this place."

"The secret to happiness is lower expectations."