Family Guy

"Patience is just another word for laziness."

"I believe that everything happens for a reason, even if I don't understand it."

"The key to friendship is not taking things too seriously."

"Gratitude is remembering that things could always be worse."

"I've found that most of life's problems can be solved with a nap."

"Knowledge is power, but ignorance is bliss."

"Music is the language of the soul, but I prefer the language of beer."

"Leadership is just knowing who to blame when things go wrong."

"I respect anyone who sticks to their guns, even if they're wrong."

"Sometimes the best ideas come when you're not thinking at all."

"Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder."

"I've never understood why people get so upset over little things."

"Dreams are free, but making them come true costs money."

"Work is what you do when you don't want to do anything else."

"I believe in second chances, third chances, and fourth chances too."

"The only thing we have to fear is running out of beer."

"There's nothing wrong with being yourself, even if yourself is weird."

"I've learned that my mistakes are usually my best teachers."

"Sometimes you gotta take a chance and see what happens."

"Success is just failure that hasn't happened yet."

"I'm not a smart man, but I know what love is."

"The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now."

"I try to live each day like it might be my last."

"Nobody ever said being an adult would be this confusing."

"Happiness is a warm beer and a good TV show."

"I've been thinking about my life, and I think I've been doing it wrong."

"Friends are the family you choose for yourself."

"If at first you don't succeed, give up. It's only a hobby."

"Life is all about embracing your inner idiot."

"You gotta admire a guy who can laugh at his own stupidity."