Family Guy

"I've learned that being a father means never being right."

"The key to a good marriage is communication. Or lots of beer."

"Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy a jet ski."

"I wish I could go back and tell my younger self to enjoy the moment."

"Lois, I've made a huge mistake."

"I have no idea what I'm doing, and neither does anyone else."

"You know what they call a Quarter Pounder with Cheese in France?"

"I'm not always the smartest guy in the room, but I'm honest."

"Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart."

"Dear God, thanks for the food. Also, please don't let me get caught this time."

"I'm sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am."

"All right, let's see what's in the trunk. Hopefully, a human head."

"You know what really grinds my gears? When people..."

"I'm gonna go have a cigarette right now. That's a good time to have a cigarette."

"Shut up, Meg."

"I didn't invent evil. I perfected it."

"Patience? I've got nothing but time and evil schemes."

"My legacy will be written in the annals of world history."

"I've transcended morality. It was holding me back anyway."

"The greatest journey is the one toward absolute power."

"Inspiration strikes those ready to act. I'm always ready."

"I don't dream. I plot. There's a massive difference."

"Wisdom is knowing when to strike. That time is always."

"The pen is mightier than the sword. My pen writes the future."

"I make my own luck. And it's ruthlessly efficient."

"Life's too short to be humble. Mine will be legendary."

"Freedom is overrated. I prefer absolute control."

"Beauty fades. Genius is forever. I'm banking on genius."

"Why settle for success when you can demand supremacy?"

"I don't have weaknesses. I have alternative strategies."