Parks and Recreation

"Relationships are a waste of time."

"I'm dead inside."

"I don't understand human behavior."

"The worst thing that's ever happened happened."

"I want to go back to bed and I never want to wake up."

"I have the worst taste in everything."

"I don't believe in anything that's fun."

"This is the best day ever and I want to shoot myself."

"I have zero interest in friendship."

"Jerry is an idiot."

"I'm gonna stay as far away from nature as possible."

"You don't have to be pretty to be happy."

"I love being alone. I mean, I have no friends, which is not the same thing."

"Why is this so hard?"

"I have very strong opinions about things that don't matter."

"I'm very smart and I can do anything I set my mind to."

"I don't trust anyone who hasn't been to Disneyland."

"I think that if you respect people, you don't go around calling them by their nicknames."

"The only way to get what you want in this world is through hard work and giving up your dreams."

"I'm like an elephant. I never forget."

"That's literally the worst thing I've ever heard."

"I don't understand anything that's happening."

"Whenever I meet someone for the first time, I imagine what their skeleton looks like."

"I would rather eat literally anything else."

"I want to make it clear that I'm not working hard because I want to help the town or whatever. I just want a paycheck."

"Everything is the worst."

"I'm not interested in caring about things."

"Treat yo self."

"I have no idea what I'm doing, but I'm doing it with complete confidence."

"Why does everything fall apart when I touch it?"