Parks and Recreation

"I would never admit my feelings to another human being."

"My life is better than your life because I have better breakfast than you."

"I am not a fan of wasting time on frivolities."

"The city should spend billions on roads and nothing on parks."

"Kindness is for people too weak to be cruel."

"I do not support abortion. I support shooting that doctor."

"I have too many relationships already."

"I enjoy the beauty of a woman in the same way I enjoy a beautiful sunset."

"Pawnee is the Paris of the Midwest."

"I have made a decision that I'm proud of."

"I built that desk myself. Many years ago. I don't remember how."

"I am a supporter of local businesses unless they are terrible."

"Give me the most beautiful bird you can find."

"Government employees work hard and play hard, rarely"

"I don't believe in recycling. Efficiency creates waste."

"When I was a boy, breakfast was a meat between two slices of meat."

"I have composed a great many songs, all of them about food."

"One with nature doesn't mean communing with it; it means existing as nature intended."

"Parks and recreation are not a municipal priority."

"I would never do anything outside my core competencies."

"That's the sweetest sentence I've heard in thirty years."

"I have ignored expert advice on food for decades and look at me."

"The government should not be in the business of fixing problems."

"A man should be able to build something, grow something, or create something."

"Hunting, fishing, and gathering are the holy trinity of life."

"Money is useless if you don't know how to spend it."

"I don't want to hear about the outside world. I want to stay here and think about how nothing is more important than the work I do."

"The key to a great city is a great bureaucracy."

"I'm interested in three things: woodworking, whiskey, and not talking to people."

"Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing."