30 Rock

"The key to happiness is low expectations and high heels."

"I'm on a very strict vegetable diet: champagne and caviar."

"My work is my passion, which is me."

"Leadership means making decisions that benefit me first."

"Faith is for people who don't have trust funds."

"Music to my ears is silence, followed by applause."

"I'm a work of art, which is why I'm so high-maintenance."

"Patience is a virtue I don't possess."

"I've been through enough therapy to write my own self-help book."

"Power is the best drug, and I'm addicted to it."

"I'm not afraid of anything except for aging and becoming irrelevant."

"The only constant in my life is change, and also my need for attention."

"I have more imagination than all of you combined, which is why I'm so fun."

"Adventure is just another word for poor planning."

"Health is important. I'm on a strict regimen of Botox and denial."

"I've made more mistakes than most people, and I regret absolutely nothing."

"Dreams are what happen when you fall asleep, and I sleep a lot."

"I believe in being kind to people, as long as they're useful to me."

"Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy really great shoes."

"The truth is, I'm deeply insecure and need constant validation."

"Time flies when you're having fun, and also when you're on pills."

"I like to think of myself as a character actress, but let's be honest, I'm gorgeous."

"Beauty fades, but stupid is forever."

"I'm not interested in anyone's opinion but my own."

"You have to be your own best friend because no one else will be."

"Success is a journey, not a destination. Also, I've already arrived."

"I survived the 70s by doing a lot of cocaine, so my memory is not great."

"People always say 'You're a traitor to your generation,' but I don't care about generations."

"I've been married three times. I'm basically an expert."

"Being me is exhausting, but somebody has to do it."