Arrested Development

"The greatest gift you could give me is permanent silence."

"I'm going to close my eyes and pretend this conversation never happened."

"You're all just variations of the same disappointment."

"I would leave this family, but the paperwork is too extensive."

"You're all so dull that I need a nap even though I just woke up."

"I've made peace with being surrounded by idiots. Mainly through alcohol."

"The only thing worse than being your mother is having to be conscious while I am."

"I need to get out of here before I do something I won't regret. I regret everything anyway."

"You're all so forgettable that I immediately forget you when you leave."

"I have nothing left to say to any of you. And that's a mercy."

"You're like a bad rash that won't go away. Except worse because you talk."

"I don't understand why you're still talking. I stopped listening ten minutes ago."

"You're all so pathetic that you've actually made me feel better about myself."

"I'm too tired to care anymore. Which is wonderful."

"The real problem with all of you is that you're alive."

"Get away from me before I say something that can't be unsaid. Actually, that's never stopped me."

"I would apologize, but I'm not sorry. And I don't know how."

"You're all mistakes. But you're my mistakes."

"I've lived longer than any of you will ever live, and all I have to show for it is regret."

"You're lucky I'm too old to physically fight you."

"I need a martini and then I need to never see any of you again."

"You're all so mediocre that I can't even muster the effort to hate you."

"I don't have the energy to be disappointed anymore. I'm just numb."

"The only thing I've learned from all of this is that I should have had fewer children."

"You think you're smart, but you're just noisy."

"I would leave, but I have nowhere better to be. Isn't that sad."

"You're all living in a fantasy world. I'm living in reality, and it's depressing."

"I need to lie down. Forever would be ideal."

"I've seen worse and I'll likely see worse again. It's called having children."

"George, you're like a six-year-old. But worse at being one."