Arrested Development

"I should have taken that offer to become a nun."

"You're all so disappointing. I almost admire it."

"I don't want to hear it. In fact, I'm closing my ears right now."

"The greatest tragedy is that you're all my children."

"I've had three mimosas and I'm not thinking clearly."

"You're all incompetent, and frankly, it's exhausting to watch."

"Get me out of this conversation before I say something I might not regret."

"I have no sympathy for any of you. And I have no energy for this conversation."

"Your generation invented the crisis. Mine invented vodka."

"I need you to understand something: I don't care what you understand."

"If I can't see it, it didn't happen. That's always been my approach to motherhood."

"The real tragedy is that I'm stuck with all of you."

"I would tell you what I really think, but you don't have the capacity to understand."

"You're a failure, just like your father. Except he at least had an excuse."

"I don't appreciate cynicism. Unless it comes from me."

"Get me some ice and a bottle of scotch. And maybe some antacids."

"Success is something you have to work for, and I'm not willing to do that."

"I've always believed in telling my children exactly what I think of them."

"The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about. Except you. You just ruin things."

"I need something that says I'm not a moron. But I'm not smart enough to know what that is."

"You've made a terrible mistake. Now you know how I feel every day."

"I'm a wealthy widow. I don't need advice from anyone."

"A woman in my position can't be too careful about her appearance."

"I think we should all get out of here immediately and never speak of this again."

"Buster, you're a moron. Are you also blind?"

"Every day I wake up and pray that my children will be taken from me."

"I have half a mind to give you a piece of my mind."

"Your taste is impeccable, your judgment is nonexistent."

"I've been in psychiatric institutes and federal penitentiaries. I know where I belong."

"Get some Gob. He's a moron, but he's upright and he's healthy."