Arrested Development

"There's always money in the banana stand."

"I'm afraid I prematurely shot my wad on what was supposed to be a dry run."

"Solitude is my favorite place to hide from reality."

"Relationships are just elaborate arrangements of mutual deception."

"Inspiration is 10% genius and 90% fake it till you make it."

"Motivation comes from wanting something you can't have."

"War and peace are just degrees of conflict."

"Politics is the only game where lying is actually expected."

"Literature taught me that everyone's got a story. I've just got better ones."

"Philosophy is basically the study of how to explain yourself."

"History teaches us that liars often get away with it."

"Technology is wonderful for creating new ways to deceive people."

"Adventure is just another word for running away with a destination."

"Health is something I'll worry about when it becomes a problem."

"Money doesn't buy happiness, but it buys the appearance of it."

"Power corrupts, but powerlessness is worse."

"Fear is just potential wearing a disguise."

"Strength is being able to look someone in the eye while lying."

"Kindness is a luxury I can't usually afford."

"I'm impatient with everything except opportunities."

"Justice is whatever the person with the most power says it is."

"Creativity is my only honest skill, if I'm being honest."

"Gratitude is the enemy of progress."

"Perseverance is just refusing to accept defeat until you do."

"Death would be easier than facing my real family at dinner."

"Beauty is subjective, which means I'm definitely beautiful."

"Humor is the best defense against everything, including myself."

"My dreams are too big for reality to contain."

"Work is just a four-letter word for slavery with benefits."

"A leader is someone people follow without question."