Arrested Development

"I could write a book about my life, but who has the time?"

"History repeats itself, which means my mistakes have precedent."

"Technology is just another tool to make lying easier."

"Health is important, but so is not having to think about it."

"I'm basically a free spirit trapped in a dysfunctional family."

"Kindness is just weakness with good PR."

"I've never understood why people care so much about the truth."

"Power is knowing exactly what someone wants before they do."

"Imagination is the only thing I've never had to fake."

"I don't do gratitude. It implies I owe someone something."

"People are predictable if you know how to read them."

"Patience is for people without better options."

"I'm not scared of anything. Except maybe responsibility."

"Beauty fades, but a good con lasts forever."

"I'd make an excellent CEO of basically anything."

"The best lies are the ones where people want to believe you."

"Education is overrated when you have natural talent like mine."

"Relationships are basically just two people trying to avoid being alone."

"I don't believe in long-term planning. What's the point?"

"Success is 90% confidence and 10% actually knowing what you're doing."

"I'm not irresponsible, I'm just selectively responsible."

"Family is the worst, but it's still family."

"You can reinvent yourself as many times as you want if you're brave enough."

"Love is messy and complicated, kind of like my life."

"I've learned that disappointment is just another word for life."

"Rules are more like guidelines for people without imagination."

"Being a con artist isn't a job, it's a lifestyle."

"I don't need validation from anyone, especially not my family."

"The future is whatever I want it to be."

"Trust is overrated when you have good lying skills."