Family Guy

"The path to success is paved with good hair."

"Happiness is my permanent facial expression."

"Wisdom is knowing when to let others speak—never."

"Love makes the world go round, but so does my morning routine."

"When life gives you lemons, make lemonade and look fabulous doing it."

"Breaking news just in: I'm still incredible."

"The secret to success? Being me."

"I've learned that life's about making an entrance."

"Happiness is hearing: 'Tom, you looked great on air today.'"

"Family is important, but so is my career."

"Wisdom comes with age, but I look like I'll stay young forever."

"Courage is doing what's right, but looking good doing it."

"Hope is believing tomorrow's ratings will be higher."

"Solitude is nice, but not as nice as an audience."

"Relationships work best when the other person agrees with you."

"Inspiration comes from looking in the mirror."

"War is terrible, unless I'm covering it—then it's great ratings."

"Politics is simple: vote for whatever helps my career."

"Literature can't describe how fabulous I am."

"Philosophy asks the question: what is life? I ask: how do I look?"

"History will remember Tom Tucker as the greatest anchor ever."

"Technology helps me broadcast my magnificence worldwide."

"Nature is beautiful, but not as beautiful as my profile."

"Peace would be easier if everyone just listened to me."

"My strength comes from within—and my personal trainer."

"Kindness is overrated when you can be charming instead."

"Justice is served best when I'm the one serving it on air."

"Creativity is my strong suit, right after my actual strong suit."

"Gratitude goes to the mirror for showing me this beautiful face."

"Perseverance paid off—I persevered until I became fabulous."