Futurama

"Courage is knowing you're gonna get caught and not caring."

"Hope is just delayed disappointment."

"Family is who you choose to steal with."

"Friends are people you'd rob for. Literally."

"Success is 10% luck, 20% skill, and 70% not getting arrested."

"Happiness is a warm gun and a successful heist."

"The wisest thing I ever learned: never get caught."

"Love makes you do stupid things. Lucky for me, I'm already stupid."

"The secret to life is not having secrets. Just lies."

"You gotta bend with the times, or you'll break under pressure."

"Solitude is great for planning crimes."

"Relationships require trust. I don't trust anybody, but I'll try."

"Inspiration comes from the desire to do something nobody else is stupid enough to try."

"The key to motivation is wanting something really badly and not caring about the law."

"War is hell, which is why I love it."

"Politics is just legalized crime. I do it without the license."

"I've never read a book, and I'm not about to start."

"Philosophy is just an excuse to justify bad behavior."

"History shows that robots eventually take over. I'm just ahead of schedule."

"Technology gets better every year, which means so do my heists."

"Imagination is great for dreaming up heists."

"Adventure is wherever you are when you're stealing something."

"Health is important. That's why I'm always running from the law."

"Money makes the world go 'round. And I'm making off with it."

"Power corrupts, and I'm already corrupt, so I might as well have power."

"The only thing I'm afraid of is being poor and alone. Mostly poor."

"I'm strong because I'm made of metal and bad decisions."

"Kindness is wasted effort. Try blackmail instead."

"Patience is for people who aren't in a hurry to steal things."

"Justice is what happens when I beat someone to it."