Futurama

"You can't have the happiness of the future if you don't enjoy today's crime."

"A robot's gotta do what a robot's gotta do."

"Give me money or I'll steal it anyway."

"I've learned that friendship is more important than money. But only slightly."

"What's the point of living if you can't break some laws?"

"Sometimes you gotta do illegal things to stay sane."

"I'm a bender. I bend things. Get over it."

"Death is just another heist opportunity."

"When the chips are down, a real friend stands by you. Mostly."

"I've got 500 dollars and a bad attitude. That's all I need."

"The key to a successful heist is not getting caught."

"Love is for suckers, but I'll make an exception for you."

"Robots don't have souls, but we make great friends."

"I don't have feelings. I'm a robot!"

"Why should I care about the future? I'll be dead."

"Life's been good to me so far. I've stolen, lied, cheated, and nobody's caught me."

"Bending is an art form. I'm an artist."

"You know what really grinds my gears? When someone doesn't appreciate robot art."

"I'm gonna commit the most heinous crime ever and get away with it."

"Alcohol: the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems."

"I'll make a robot-army and we'll take over the world!"

"Everyone's a jerk. You, me, this lamp."

"In the time it takes you to say 'robot uprising,' I could've stolen your wallet."

"Wanna see my new hat collection?"

"I'm 40% titanium!"

"What do you want? I'm busy being cynical."

"I'm gonna make my own theme park, with blackjack and hookers!"

"Bite my shiny metal ass!"

"In the end, we all become dust. Mostly because I vacuum poorly."

"War is peace. Ignorance is strength. I can't remember the rest."