Futurama

"I believe in equality, meaning I'm equally incompetent at everything."

"History shows us that the past was probably better than the future."

"Technology promises to solve our problems... then creates new ones."

"Imagination is more important than knowledge, but I lack both."

"Adventure calls to those brave enough to ignore it."

"Health is wealth, and I'm spiritually bankrupt but physically insured."

"Money has taught me that poverty builds character better than wealth."

"Power corrupts, but loneliness corrupts absolutely."

"Fear is just an emotion, but mine is a lifestyle."

"True strength lies in admitting you're terrified and doing it anyway."

"I've pondered the mysteries of the universe and concluded I'm very confused."

"Nature is beautiful, mysterious, and usually trying to kill you."

"Humor is simply tragedy plus time, and I have very little of either."

"My dreams are usually about food. And nightmares about love."

"Work is what you do when you'd rather be doing literally anything else."

"A true leader knows when to follow someone else off a cliff."

"Faith is believing in something you cannot see... like my dental plan."

"Music soothes the savage beast, but I remain unsoothed and unbeastly."

"Art is my passion, particularly the art of self-preservation."

"I've learned that change is inevitable, and usually it's for the worse."

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and mine are quite large and lovely."

"In my experience, hope usually leads to disappointment. I hope anyway."

"My family would be proud that I've failed so spectacularly."

"Perhaps the greatest wisdom is knowing when to run away."

"Life has taught me that patience is a virtue I do not possess."

"Why do humans always assume they're smarter than giant alien doctors?"

"I believe in the power of positive thinking... and also in accepting defeat."

"Is it wrong to love the universe when the universe clearly doesn't love you back?"

"Science has taught me that most things are better with tentacles."

"My people have a saying: 'If it's brown, drink it down.'"