Arrested Development

"I'm still getting my gin and tonic."

"The company hires people to be a third party at these parties."

"I don't suffer fools gladly. Or at all."

"Some people just deserve to be on a list."

"I'm not being rude, I'm being honest."

"You're about as useful as a screen door on a submarine."

"I love the smell of my own scent in the morning."

"The key to a great party is a clear exit strategy."

"I haven't seen a chicken this angry since the time your brother tried one."

"That's what I get for being considerate."

"I'm not sad, I'm just realistic."

"I need my stories."

"These pretzels are making me thirsty."

"There's always money in the banana stand."

"I'm not heartless, I'm just efficient."

"Smoking is one of the few things that still gives me pleasure."

"You're no longer my son. Actually, you never were."

"I would never say anything to offend you. But if I did, I'd mean it."

"Maybe you're right. You're probably right. But I'm not admitting it."

"I have no idea what you just said."

"I don't even know what a queef is, but it sounds very unpleasant."

"The alcohol is for closers."

"I need a vodka martini. Actually, just bring me the bottle."

"It's not stupidity, it's desperation."

"I'm like a black widow, but with more jewelry."

"You come by it honestly."

"I've made a huge mistake. Actually, many mistakes. But that one was huge."

"I'm not going anywhere and neither are you."

"You know, I'd like to believe that's the worst thing I've ever heard."

"I don't have time for this."