The Office

"I've worked here for years. That's either a testament to my patience or my lack of options."

"People think I'm cynical. I'm just realistic."

"I don't have hobbies. I have obligations."

"The worst part of my job is the people. The second worst part is the fluorescent lights."

"Death is the only thing that gets you out of meetings."

"Beauty is subjective. Usually wrong."

"Strength is not yelling about your problems."

"Kindness is often mistaken for weakness. Don't make that mistake."

"Gratitude is thanking people for things they should have done anyway."

"Knowledge is power, but power is also not caring what people think."

"Education is just a way to keep you busy until you can work."

"Happiness is a myth sold by greeting card companies."

"The problem with people is that they're always talking."

"I don't believe in luck. I believe in showing up and being competent."

"Solitude is underrated. Especially at work."

"Relationships are complicated. Work is simple. Just do your job."

"Inspiration is a word people use when they don't want to work."

"Motivation comes from money. Everything else is propaganda."

"Politics is just rich people arguing."

"Literature is a lot of words about nothing."

"Faith is believing in things that aren't there. Like my pension."

"Music is fine if you like that sort of thing."

"Imagination is for children and unemployed people."

"Adventure is getting lost somewhere you've never been before."

"Power is doing what you want without having to explain yourself."

"Fear is just another word for being smart."

"Justice is a myth. Like ghosts."

"Creativity is a waste of time if nobody's paying for it."

"Leadership is telling people what to do and hoping they listen."

"History is boring. The present is worse."