The Office

"I'm an expert in bird law."

"You can't trust people. That's why I'm a lone wolf."

"I've done a lot of things. Some of them legal, most of them not."

"The only way to get what you want in this life is to work hard. Or charm. Or theft."

"I once bought a suicide kit online. It was just the frame."

"I once poisoned a man in Utica. Never found out who."

"That's what she said. No, wait, I'm trying to say something real."

"I have seen things that will make your head spin and your heart palpitate."

"All I ever wanted was for you to notice me."

"Sometimes I'll start a sentence, and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way."

"I'm not a bad guy. I work hard, and I pay my taxes."

"Whenever I'm about to do something, I think, would an idiot do that? And if they would, I do not do that thing."

"I've been involved in a number of cults, but I was always able to talk my way out of them."

"The worst thing about prison was the dementors."

"I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious."

"The only way out is through."

"I'm grateful for everything I have."

"Love conquers all."

"I choose to be happy."

"Life is what you make of it."

"I have big dreams for my future."

"Success is measured by happiness, not money."

"I'd take a bullet for my coworkers."

"Family is everything to me."

"I'm not perfect, but I'm trying."

"Every day is a new opportunity."

"I believe in living life to the fullest."

"Sometimes solitude is what we need."

"Relationships require work but are worth it."

"Inspiration is everywhere if you look for it."