The Office

"Patience is a virtue. I have no virtues."

"Justice is blind. I'm not, but I wish I was sometimes."

"Creativity comes from the mind. Mine is... creative."

"Gratitude is important. I'm grateful for my freedom."

"Perseverance is key. I've persevered through many crimes."

"Death is just the next chapter. I've read ahead."

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. My eyes have seen things."

"Humor is the best medicine. I also take several illegal ones."

"Dreams are just thoughts we have when we're sleeping. I don't sleep."

"Work is what you make it. I make very little."

"A leader is someone people follow. I don't want followers."

"Faith is believing in something without proof. I have proof."

"Music soothes the savage beast. I am that beast."

"Science explains the world. I don't need explanations."

"Art is the most honest form of expression. I don't know what I'm expressing."

"Nature is beautiful and terrifying. Like me."

"Peace comes from accepting what you cannot change."

"Freedom is worth dying for. I've almost died several times."

"The truth is a weapon. Use it wisely."

"Time flies when you're having fun. When you're not, it crawls."

"Education is important. That's why I dropped out."

"Change is inevitable. I've been changing my story for decades."

"Fear is just a state of mind. My mind doesn't have states."

"Love is for the weak. But I've loved."

"Success is a journey, not a destination. I'm still journeying."

"I've seen things you wouldn't believe. Mostly in my backyard."

"The key to happiness is low expectations."

"Money is just paper. I've seen worse things on paper."

"Friendship is all about trust and respect. I have neither."

"I'm not in touch with my emotions, which is a good thing."