The Office

"I would rather be feared than loved. But I'd prefer to be both."

"The only constant in life is change. And taxes. And my hairline receding."

"Health is wealth. But money is wealth too. But health is less liquid."

"I'm not emotional. I just cry easily."

"The key to success is knowing what you want and doing whatever it takes to get it."

"I believe that everyone deserves a second chance. Except for Toby."

"A true friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend will be in jail with you."

"I'm not materialistic, but I do love expensive things."

"The best part of my job is the people. The worst part is the work."

"I've never been in love. But I've been drunk a lot of times."

"The secret to happiness is lowering your expectations and raising your optimism."

"I believe in keeping my friends close and my employees closer."

"Life is about the journey, not the destination. But I'd prefer a better destination."

"I'm not perfect, but I'm close. Very close."

"The greatest gift you can give someone is your time. Also, money."

"I don't believe in rules. But I do believe in consequences."

"I have a sixth sense. I can sense when someone is about to criticize me. Also, I'm very intuitive."

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. And Toby."

"I'm not religious, but I'm a spiritual person. I believe in the universe and good vibes."

"Everything happens for a reason. And the reason is usually that I wanted it to happen."

"I'm like a phoenix rising from the ashes. Except I never really fall."

"The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now."

"I would die for my employees. But I wouldn't kill for them."

"Confidence is the most attractive quality a person can have. Also, money."

"I never say anything I don't mean. Except when I do."

"The road to success is paved with good intentions and empty promises."

"I'm not a bad boss. I'm just misunderstood."

"A good friend is someone who stabs you in the front."

"Love is a four-letter word. Like most four-letter words, it gets you in trouble."

"The biggest risk is not taking a risk at all."