The Office

"Perseverance is for people who aren't smart enough to find shortcuts."

"Death is just a transition to a better afterlife."

"Beauty fades, but money lasts forever."

"Laughter is the best medicine, unless you can sell it."

"My dreams are bigger than reality."

"Work is what gives life meaning."

"I'm a natural leader because I'm naturally superior."

"Faith in yourself is the only faith you need."

"Music is for people who can't make money."

"Art is a waste of time and resources."

"Nature is irrelevant in the business world."

"Peace is boring. I prefer chaos."

"I make my own rules, and my rules are great."

"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing twice."

"Love is a distraction from career advancement."

"Life is short. Get rich quick."

"I'm a lover and a fighter."

"Poverty is not an excuse for not being successful."

"I've never failed because I never try things I might fail at."

"Education is important, but business school is more important."

"You can't teach an old dog new tricks, but I'm not old."

"I didn't come from money, I made money."

"The customer is always right, unless they're wrong."

"I need a hero right now."

"Friendship is overrated. It's all about networking."

"I'm going to fire everyone who disagrees with me."

"That's what she said."

"Evolution is a myth."

"I'm too important to be sad."

"If you're good at something, never do it for free."