The Office

"Identity theft is not a joke, Jim."

"Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica."

"I love inside jokes. I'd love to be a part of one someday."

"If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice."

"I'm trying to think of a time when I said something funny."

"You don't know about pressure."

"I'm not great at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?"

"I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them."

"What's up with you and your life goals?"

"I'm an idiot. But I'm an idiot who loves you."

"The best time to wear a striped sweater is all the time."

"Sometimes I'll start a sentence and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way."

"I have no idea what I'm doing, but I know I'm doing it really, really well."

"I just want to be pure."

"Why are you the way that you are?"

"I'm running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good."

"That's what she said."

"I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious."

"I've made my peace with irrelevance."

"This company would fall apart without me."

"Love is a distraction from what matters."

"I am content in my misery."

"You will never understand what I do here."

"Nobody likes me. I'm used to it."

"I have resigned myself to this role."

"Perseverance is what separates winners from losers."

"Kindness is often mistaken for weakness."

"I don't demand respect. I command it."

"The truth is often ugly. But it's always necessary."

"Success requires sacrifice. I've sacrificed everything."