The Office

"Adventure is just another word for trouble."

"Health is wealth, but I'm willing to trade it for a good pretzel."

"Inspiration is for people who don't have discipline."

"I'm motivated by spite. It's very effective."

"Politics is a dirty business, and I want no part of it."

"War is what happens when diplomacy fails. Which is always."

"Imagination is for people who don't have reality."

"Dreams are just nightmares with better marketing."

"I'm as strong as I need to be and as weak as I want to be."

"Kindness is a weakness that people exploit."

"I don't have patience for incompetence."

"Justice is blind, which explains why the legal system is so messed up."

"Science is just religion for people who don't believe in religion."

"I've never understood art. It's just stuff on walls."

"Education is a scam invented by teachers to stay employed."

"I don't trust technology. Give me a good crossword puzzle any day."

"Music is the universal language. Unfortunately, I speak it fluently."

"I'm trying very hard not to connect with people."

"The future is unwritten. Which means I probably have a bad future."

"I believe in fate. What's meant to be will be."

"Power corrupts. Absolute power corrupts absolutely."

"I've always been afraid of dying. Still am."

"Courage is not the absence of fear, but doing it anyway."

"I see dead people. They're everywhere."

"The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing people he didn't exist."

"I'm not antisocial. I'm just selectively social."

"Beauty is a curse because beautiful people have to worry about losing their beauty."

"Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans."

"I've learned more from my failures than my successes."

"The only way to do great work is to love what you do. I hate my job."