The Office

"Friendship is just proximity and shared suffering."

"If you're good at something, never do it for free. Actually, do it for a paycheck that doesn't reflect your value."

"The best day at work is the day before vacation."

"Loving your job is a myth they tell to keep you working."

"My daughter gets better grades than I ever did. She's going places I never will."

"I've been married longer than most people, so I know about sacrifice."

"Solitude is my favorite state of being."

"Relationships are maintenance you can't afford to skip."

"Inspiration is just peer pressure with better branding."

"Motivation is a myth corporations invented."

"War is terrible, but at least it's honest."

"Politics is a cesspool, and I'm drowning in it."

"Literature is fine, I guess, if you like that sort of thing."

"Philosophy is for people with too much free time."

"History repeats itself because humans are stupid."

"Technology is ruining everything."

"Imagination is what gets you fired in the real world."

"Adventure is for people with nothing to lose."

"Health is just a slow way to die."

"Money makes the world go round, and I don't have enough of it."

"Power corrupts, and I have none, so I'm pure evil."

"Fear keeps you honest about what matters."

"Strength is knowing when to give up."

"Kindness is just manipulation you feel good about."

"Patience is a virtue I don't have."

"Justice is whatever the boss decides it is."

"Creativity is overrated. Just follow the rules."

"Gratitude? For what?"

"Perseverance is just stubbornness wearing a fancy hat."

"Death is probably the best thing that could happen to me."