The Office

"I would die for my family. Except for maybe my kids."

"The key to a happy life is low expectations."

"I'm not looking for a soulmate. I'm looking for a soulmate who looks like a supermodel."

"I believe in second chances. That's why I have three wives."

"The world is a beautiful place if you just let yourself see it."

"I don't think I have time for games. I'm too busy winning."

"You know, I think people are like ice cream. They come in different flavors."

"I'm not a bad guy. I just have bad timing."

"It's not the size of the boat, it's the motion in the ocean."

"I could never imagine my life without the people I work with."

"I love the energy drinks. They give me wings."

"Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get."

"I would rather feel bad than not feel anything at all."

"I'm running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good."

"The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now."

"I would consider myself an excellent driver."

"My ideal woman has a little meat on her bones."

"I'm not superstitious. I'm just a little stitious about Toby."

"I think all paper companies are pretty much the same. We just work hard and try to be nice to people."

"I believe that there is a God. But I don't believe he's a guy."

"Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy pizza. And pizza IS happiness."

"I love the smell of the atmosphere."

"You know, my wife and I, we have a very special relationship. I mean, I could probably bench press her."

"I'm not afraid of anything. That's my problem."

"The best time to wear a striped sweater is all the time."

"I don't want to be a tool, but I also don't want to be perceived as weak."

"We're all just trying to get through the day without dying."

"That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age."

"I'm like a fireman. When I go to work, people are always on my jock. They're like, 'Kevin, you're the best.' It's amazing."

"You know, I'm something of a Michelin star chef myself."