The Office

"I'm not the smartest man in the world, but I know what I like."

"I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life."

"My friends are my family."

"I'm not racist, I'm an equal opportunity offender."

"Did you know that Florida is the only state that is also a peninsula and an island?"

"Whenever I'm about to do something, I think, 'Would an idiot do that?' And if they would, I do not do that thing."

"I'm not gay. I have a very attractive wife."

"The greater good."

"Sometimes I'll start a sentence and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way."

"I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed."

"Life is short. Demand the best. That's what I say."

"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take."

"I wake up every morning in a bed that's too small, drive my daughter to a school that's too far, and then I go to work to a job for which I get paid too little. But the one thing that I have to look forward to is that tonight, I will once again have to close the blinds on my son."

"If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice."

"I would say I'm a carefree black man, but I'm not black."

"I'm not a businessman, I'm a business, man."

"The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don't soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don't always spoil the good things."

"I'm trying to hold it together like Toby holds his pants up."

"That's what she said."

"I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious."

"Solitude is underrated. Especially when you're running from something."

"Relationships are like plants. Sometimes they need water, sometimes they need to be left alone."

"Inspiration usually comes at three in the morning when you can't sleep."

"Motivation is temporary, but bills are permanent."

"War is when politics fails. It's also quite profitable."

"Politics is proof that nobody really knows what they're doing."

"Literature is just old people's blogs."

"Philosophy teaches you to question everything. I question that too."

"History repeats itself. Usually because nobody was paying attention the first time."

"Technology is making us all replaceable."