Futurama

"If I had to choose between you and a sandwich, I'd choose the sandwich."

"I prefer solitude, mostly because I hate everyone."

"Relationships are complicated. That's why I avoid them."

"The only inspiration I need is the chance to steal something."

"Stay motivated by hating people. It works for me."

"War is my favorite thing. After bending."

"Politics is a scam, but at least it's honest about it."

"Literature is words on paper. I prefer bending."

"Philosophically speaking, I'm right about everything."

"History is just a list of things I would've done better."

"Technology is great until it does something I don't like."

"My imagination is limited only by how much I don't care."

"Adventure is just another word for 'bad decision'."

"Health is overrated. Give me beer and cigarettes."

"Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy things that buy happiness."

"Power corrupts, and I'm already fully corrupted."

"I'm not afraid of anything, except maybe feelings."

"My strength comes from titanium and apathy."

"Being kind is stupid. But I'll do it if I'm drunk enough."

"Patience? I tried it once. Hated it."

"Justice is whatever I decide it is."

"I create things the traditional way: by destroying everything else first."

"I'm grateful for nothing, which makes it easy to be grateful."

"Perseverance is overrated. Giving up is much easier."

"Death is not the end; it's just the beginning of not existing."

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I'm looking at myself."

"If you really think about it, everything is funny when it involves human suffering."

"I dreamed once. Woke up bitter and disappointed."

"Work? More like slavery with a paycheck."

"A real leader doesn't care what anyone thinks. Like me."