The Simpsons

"Inner peace comes from accepting who you are. I accept that I'm thirsty."

"Freedom is the right to make bad decisions in a bar."

"The truth is I'm a mess. But I'm an honest mess."

"Tomorrow's always a new day to make the same mistakes."

"Knowledge without application is useless. Like me."

"Education is important, but so is knowing the alcohol content of beer."

"Success is subjective. To me, it's surviving another day."

"I don't need therapy. I need a therapist's liquor cabinet."

"Love is overrated. Have you ever loved a beer? That's true love."

"Homer's my best friend. He's a bad influence. So am I."

"The best moments in life are the ones you barely remember."

"I may not be the smartest guy, but I'm smart enough to always find a bar."

"Solitude is great. Solitude with beer is paradise."

"Relationships are complicated. Beer is simple."

"I'm inspired by the simple things: beer, more beer, and friendship."

"Death is just another Thirsty Thursday that never ends."

"Humor is the best medicine. Beer is the best everything else."

"Every dream I've had has come true. They're all terrible."

"Work is for people who can't afford to drink all day."

"A good leader sets an example. I'm an excellent example of what not to do."

"Faith is believing in something higher than yourself. I believe in beer."

"Science says alcohol kills brain cells. I say it kills my worries."

"Art is anything you want it to be. Like my life story."

"Nature is beautiful. So is a perfectly poured beer."

"Peace is overrated. Give me a cold beer instead."

"I believe in the freedom to make my own mistakes. I've earned that right."

"Justice is blind. So am I, usually."

"Creativity flows like beer from a tap in my brain."

"Gratitude is important. I'm grateful every day I wake up... eventually."

"I'm not a quitter. I'm just a professional remitter."