The Simpsons

"The only freedom I have is the freedom to make myself a drink."

"I've learned that people are essentially disappointing."

"Time is money, and I'm out of both."

"Nothing says 'I love you' like a bottle of whiskey."

"There's an art to pouring a drink, and I've mastered it."

"I've seen marriages worse than mine, and they're all my marriages."

"Moe's Tavern: Where dreams come to die and livers come to fail."

"You want to know the meaning of life? It's whatever's on tap tonight."

"I may not be smart, but I'm persistent."

"The secret to happiness is lowering your expectations."

"A good bartender listens to his customers' problems and then forgets them immediately."

"I've been married twice and divorced twice. I'm an expert on failure."

"You can't spell 'slut' without 'ut', and you can't spell 'Moe's' without 'Moe's'."

"I didn't become a bartender for the money, I became one for the crippling loneliness."

"There's nothing wrong with a man having a few drinks after work."

"Life's a grind, so you might as well spend it at Moe's."

"I've seen things in this bar that would make your hair curl."

"You're the worst customer I've ever had, and that's saying something."

"Love is a four-letter word, and so is beer."

"I'm just a simple bartender trying to make an honest living."

"Everything's better when you're hammered."

"The Simpsons, eh? I've thrown them out of here more times than I can count. Which is four."

"Your tab is now $847.63. You want to start a new one?"

"I'm not a gynecologist, but I'll take a look."

"*sucks pacifier thoughtfully*"

"Strength in vulnerability"

"Gaga goo goo"

"*watches with ancient eyes*"

"Adventure awaits the curious"

"Goo goo ga"