The Simpsons

"Faith in destiny has served me well so far."

"Music is nice, but nothing beats the sound of applause after my broadcast."

"Science confirms I'm always right."

"Art is my craft, and reporting is my masterpiece."

"Solitude allows me time to practice my signature voice."

"Relationships require honesty, unlike my ad-libs."

"Inspiration comes from getting the biggest story first."

"Motivation is found in the mirror every morning."

"War coverage is what separates amateur reporters from professionals."

"Politics is the greatest drama ever broadcast."

"Literature pales in comparison to a gripping news segment."

"Philosophy teaches that truth is relative to audience expectations."

"History remembers the great news anchors fondly."

"Technology is wonderful, but nothing beats human charm."

"Imagination helps when you need to make news seem important."

"Adventure is for people without regular work schedules."

"Health is important for maintaining this physique and presence."

"Money is the root of all good broadcasting decisions."

"Education matters, especially in learning how to read."

"Change is scary, but my image consultants handle it well."

"Courage is reading news you don't believe in with conviction."

"Hope is what we cling to when ratings are low."

"Family is important, even if they don't get my comedic timing."

"Friendship is wonderful, but professionalism comes first."

"True happiness is a flawless news broadcast."

"Wisdom is knowing which tie matches your eyes."

"Time flies when you're having fun reading the news."

"Knowledge is useless without the ability to deliver it authoritatively."

"Fear of failure is what keeps me at the top of my game."

"My strength is not just physical, but intellectual and follicular."