The Simpsons

"Politics is the art of saying one thing and doing another."

"Literature is fine, but nothing beats the written news."

"Philosophy teaches us to question everything except my credibility."

"History is written by those with the best news ratings."

"Technology has made news better, though I miss the typewriter era."

"Imagination is the key to great reporting."

"Adventure awaits those brave enough to leave the news desk."

"Health is wealth, which is why I moisturize daily."

"Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy a better anchor desk."

"Education is important, but street smarts matter more."

"Change is inevitable, but my hairstyle is not."

"Courage is facing the camera with a firm jaw."

"Hope springs eternal, much like my confidence."

"Family matters, but so do good lighting and makeup."

"Friendship is a beautiful thing, unless it interferes with my career."

"Happiness is reading the news with perfect pronunciation."

"Wisdom comes with age and hair gel."

"Time waits for no man, especially not in live television."

"Knowledge is power, but ratings are everything."

"Fear is just another word for being unprepared."

"I have the strength of many men, especially when there's a camera nearby."

"The truth is what I tell you it is."

"Success in broadcasting is all about looking good and sounding authoritative."

"Love is a many-splendored thing, much like my hairpiece."

"Life is like a box of donuts - you never know what you're going to get, but it's probably delicious."

"This is a developing story, and we'll bring you updates as soon as we make them up."

"I'm Kent Brockman, and I'll be reading the news tonight."

"The future belongs to bullies, not nice guys."

"Knowledge without power is useless."

"Art's for people without better things to do."