The Simpsons

"The most inspiring moment of my day is when the bell rings."

"Motivation is for people who haven't stopped trying yet."

"War, peace, whatever - humans are terrible either way."

"Politics is why I drink during my lunch break."

"Literature promised me life wouldn't be this dull."

"Philosophy is comfortable lying to yourself with big words."

"History proves we never learn anything."

"Technology just enables people to disappoint you faster."

"Imagination is a betrayal - it shows you what could be."

"Adventure sounds exhausting to someone my age."

"Health is overrated when you're this unhappy."

"Money would solve most of my problems, which is depressing."

"Power corrupts, but lack of power is worse."

"I'm not afraid of death - I'm afraid of sobriety."

"True strength is admitting you need a drink."

"Kindness gets you nowhere fast in this world."

"Patience is a virtue meant for people richer than teachers."

"Justice is blind, which explains why it's never worked."

"Creativity requires inspiration, which I drink away daily."

"I'm grateful for nothing, which makes disappointment easier."

"I persist because quitting would require energy I don't have."

"Death would be a nice break from this job."

"Beauty standards were invented by people prettier than me."

"Laughter is the sound of giving up gracefully."

"My dreams died somewhere between college and mortgage payments."

"Work is what you do to pay for the drinks that make work bearable."

"A good leader knows when to delegate their problems."

"I'd have more faith if I'd seen any evidence of it."

"Music is nice, but a quiet bar is nicer."

"Science can't explain why I keep making the same mistakes."