The Simpsons

"Fear keeps you sharp - and awake at night."

"Strength is knowing when to pour another drink."

"Kindness is weakness in a world that doesn't care."

"Patience is a virtue for people with nothing better to do."

"Justice is a myth we tell children to keep them well-behaved."

"Creativity is a luxury for people with better jobs."

"The only thing I'm grateful for is vodka."

"Perseverance just means failing longer."

"Death is probably the only vacation I'll ever get."

"Beauty fades, but bitterness is forever."

"Humor is my defense against the crushing weight of existence."

"Dreams are what keep you awake at 3 AM."

"Work is the price we pay for not being wealthy enough."

"Leadership is overrated when you can just complain instead."

"Faith is for people without enough common sense to know better."

"Music is just noise that makes you cry into your drink."

"Science class - where dreams go to die."

"Art is a waste of time unless it involves nudity or scandal."

"Nature is beautiful when viewed through a bar window."

"Peace? I wouldn't know it if it hit me with a diploma."

"Freedom is just another word for no one caring what you do."

"The only truth in life is that we're all miserable."

"Time is a merciless thing that steals your youth and leaves you with bills."

"Knowledge without a drink is just painful awareness."

"Change is inevitable, unfortunately."

"Courage is what you need when you're too drunk to realize how stupid you're being."

"Hope? That's just another word for delusion."

"Family - can't live with 'em, can't drink enough to forget 'em."

"Friendship is a luxury I can't afford on a teacher's salary."

"Success is just failure you haven't experienced yet."