The Simpsons

"Art, like hope, is something other people do."

"The only natural thing left in my life is my bar tab."

"Peace is what comes after resignation."

"Freedom is a myth we believe in until bills arrive."

"The truest thing I know is that everyone's lying."

"Time doesn't heal all wounds - it just makes you forget why they mattered."

"I've learned that knowledge can hurt as much as ignorance."

"Change is something that happens to you, not with you."

"It takes courage to show up every day to a job you hate."

"The only hope I have is that 3 o'clock comes soon."

"My family life makes teaching look like a vacation."

"Success at work means having a desk and a locked drawer."

"Wisdom is knowing that you know nothing, and not caring."

"The saddest part of my job is realizing that education doesn't matter."

"I've been married, divorced, and everything in between - it's all overrated."

"Solitude beats company nine times out of ten."

"Relationships are just opportunities for mutual disappointment."

"Inspiration usually comes in a bottle."

"Motivation is for people who haven't started drinking yet."

"War is just diplomacy with worse manners."

"Politics: where lies go to die, slowly and painfully."

"Literature is an escape from the nightmare of existence."

"Philosophy is wondering about things that don't matter anyway."

"History is a record of humanity's mistakes."

"Technology just gives you more ways to disappoint people."

"Imagination is what you use when reality is too boring to contemplate."

"Adventure is just another word for trouble you seek out."

"Health is a concept invented by the pharmaceutical industry."

"Money can't buy happiness, but it sure helps you enjoy your misery."

"Power corrupts, but powerlessness is more depressing."