The Simpsons

"Education is the foundation of all things, though I've found tenure to be equally important."

"Ah, vengeance is a dish best served cold, preferably with a side of elaborate revenge plots."

"Gratitude is pretending things aren't terrible."

"Perseverance is stubbornness by another name."

"Death might finally bring peace."

"Humor is defense against reality."

"Faith requires suspension of common sense."

"Music is just organized noise."

"Science proves the universe is hostile."

"Art is expression of despair."

"Nature is cruel and indifferent like us."

"Peace is for the dead."

"Leadership is just responsibility without joy."

"Solitude beats human interaction every time."

"Relationships require effort we'd rather not expend."

"Inspiration is fleeting and unreliable."

"Motivation is for the naive."

"War and peace are different flavors of suffering."

"Politics is theater for the gullible."

"Literature explores what we already know: it's all tragic."

"Philosophy won't fix our problems."

"History proves nothing improves."

"Technology makes everything worse."

"Imagination is wasted on the realistic."

"Adventure is just trouble with bad memories."

"Health issues give us something to complain about."

"Money is the only thing worth discussing."

"Power corrupts, but powerlessness is comfortable."

"Fear keeps us safe from disappointment."

"Strength is useless against fate."