The Simpsons

"Every day is a chance to do better than yesterday."

"A man's best friend is his dignity."

"Life's too short to hold grudges."

"You know, we're not so different, you and I."

"Sometimes the simplest answer is the right one."

"I'm in the business of keeping people safe, and I take that responsibility very seriously."

"Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try."

"Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?"

"I'm not a smart man, but I know what love is."

"Solitude sounds nice until you're actually alone."

"Relationships are just habit with documents."

"Inspiration? We're past that age."

"Motivation comes from spite, mostly."

"War and peace both sound exhausting."

"Politicians are corrupt, like everyone else."

"Books about happy people just make us angry."

"We've thought about philosophy—it's depressing."

"History's winners were probably as bitter as us."

"Computers have made things worse somehow."

"Imagination is our escape route."

"Adventure usually ends in regret."

"Our health is average for our mistakes."

"Money would buy happiness, we're almost sure."

"We have zero power over anything."

"Fear of the future is rational planning."

"Our strength is that we don't quit."

"Being nice never got us anywhere."

"We're impatient, which is why we're still here."

"The system is rigged against people like us."

"Our creative outlet is complaining."