The Simpsons

"Relationships are just long-term disappointments."

"Inspiration comes from other people's misery."

"We're not motivated, we're obligated."

"War, peace—it's all depressing."

"Politics is a con game for idiots."

"Literature is sadder than real life."

"Philosophy? We just accept our fate."

"History is full of people as miserable as us."

"Technology makes everything worse."

"Imagination helps us escape this nightmare."

"Adventure is what happens when things go wrong."

"Health is just a slower way to die."

"Money would solve everything, obviously."

"Power? We're powerless."

"Fear is our constant companion."

"The only strength we have is our friendship."

"Kindness gets you nowhere in this world."

"Patience is something we don't have."

"Justice is for people with money."

"Creativity is wasted on people like us."

"We're grateful for nothing, as usual."

"Perseverance is just stubbornness with a better name."

"Death might be preferable to this."

"Beauty sleep is a myth—we've tried."

"Humor helps us cope with the void."

"Our only dream now is early retirement."

"We've worked every terrible job imaginable."

"Leadership is just bossing people around."

"Faith? We lost that years ago."

"Music is depressing, like everything else."